Why I hate small talk.

I’m walking down the street, or at the grocery store, or at a concert and then I see you. We haven’t seen each other in the real world for years, maybe even since High School. Only the occasional “like” on a post on facebook, if that. We used to be good friends. Had a lot in common. Talked about school, boys, and ya know, drama. But now, where to start?

“Hey! How are you?”

“I’m great! You?”

Blah blah blah blah blah.

Now don’t get me wrong, I’m genuinely happy to see you. Happy to see you are alive and kickin’. Happy that you remember who I am, and vice versa.

But I HATE these random meetings. Why? Small talk.

We are both on our way to somewhere, in the middle of something or whatnot. We both know the conversation is going to be 1-5 mins tops.

How do you re-boot a friendship in 1-5 mins? You don’t. So you keep it simple.

When you ask me “How have you been?”

My actual answer should start: “Well, I’ve graduated, I’m working in a job that I don’t love but pays the bills, also I have a small business I run in my spare time and all the other time I have I put into….. “ you get the idea.

And don’t get me started on the answer to “Are you dating anyone?”

Instead the answer is “Things are great! How are you?”

And I know full well that you can’t give me a recap of the last 10 years either. I see you’ve got 2-3 kids, all adorable. I’m sure we could talk for hours about how challenging and rewarding they are. How your marriage is, what your hopes-dreams-goals-fears are. But this conversation is not going to happen here.

And that’s when the awkward “I don’t know what else to say” moment comes.

If we actually had an hour to sit down and talk, we could get into the details. We could re-discover what we have in common, and maybe have a REAL and MEANINGFUL conversation.

Instead, we just brush the surface and are almost never totally honest because, how could you be?

The conversation fizzles out, and we both go our own ways.

I usually find out more about my past friends from my mom who talked to their mom.

But hey, past friends, if you ever want to sit down, maybe get some lunch and REALLY re-connect, I’m totally down. 

INTJ- Thoughts About Personality Tests- and Mostly Myself

I hate these things. It makes introverts sound so fragile.

People have been saying a lot about "Introverts" lately. To which, I think, most introverts say "Just leave us alone."

 At least that's how I feel. I hate being put into a nice neat little package (no matter how much that package might be accurate). So yeah, I guess I'm a pretty typical "Introvert", but I dislike being strictly categorized. I almost always disagree with any personality test I take. This being said, today I took some personality tests and the results actually rang true with some things that have been on my mind recently. I guess I’m just growing into my personality more.

I took this free version of the JUNG TYPOLOGY TEST, and THIS ONE, and THIS ONE.

And it looks like I am : INTJ (Introvert, Intuition, Thinking, Judging)

Such a silly caption. I don't want to "be like us". Why would you? 

DUN, DUN, DUN!

Some Famous INTJ's:
Vladimir Putin, President of Russia
Augustus Caesar, Roman emperor
Paul Krugman, a famous American economist
Rudy Giuliani, former New York mayor
Donald Rumsfeld, U.S. Secretary of Defense
Colin Powell, U.S. Secretary of State
Lance Armstrong
Richard Gere, actor
Hannibal, military leader of Carthage
Arnold Schwarzenegger, actor and California governor
Thomas Jefferson, a former U.S. president
John F. Kennedy, a former U.S. president
Woodrow Wilson, the former U.S. president
Gandalf the Grey from The Lord of the Rings
Hannibal and Clarice Starling from “Silence of the Lambs”
Professor Moriarty, Sherlock Holmes’ enemy
Gregory House from House, M.D.

Sounds like a party, right?

Notice that these are all men. Sheesh.

Here are the things that I agree with in the analysis:

• Jacks of all trades. I pretty much try everything.
• Independent and decisive. I like to do things on my own, and for the most part stick to what I come up with.
• Imaginative and strategic. I like to come up with new strategies, but ALWAYS move forward with a plan. I rarely am impulsive, especially in important things.
• Honest and direct
• Open-minded. I hope this is true. I try to be.
• Likely to over-analyze everything. For sure.
• Loathe highly structured environments.
• Often clueless when it comes to romantic relationships- DING DING DING DING DING! We have a winner!

More on  Relationships/Dating:

 I have never done well in this department. Often wondering why (i.e.“over-analyze everything").

“INTJ personalities are likely to have significant difficulties when it comes to relationships and dating. INTJs spend a large part of their lives in their heads and consequently what they see and understand intuitively can be much more advanced than a “bland” reality. As a result, someone with the INTJ personality may find it challenging to merge that fantasy and high requirements with reality.”

“Someone with the INTJ personality is most likely to attract a romantic partner when they are not actually looking for one. As most INTJs have difficulties with dating and relationships, their self-confidence takes a major hit in those situations and the INTJ then overcompensates by showing off their intelligence, which makes them even more unattractive. Only when the INTJ returns to his or her usual self, their self-confidence starts glowing again and this makes it much easier for them to attract a partner.”

This is especially true for me (besides the "showing off their intelligence" bit. I'm not intelligent enough for that). I have confidence in myself in all things EXCEPT relationships and dating. I am insanely guarded and never take any risks. When I’m actually interested in someone, I act like a BORING and SAFE version of myself. Someone I would not be interested in. But when I just let go of that, I can actually be myself! The problem is, because I overthink things, in order for this to work I have to actually NOT BE INTERESTED in someone to be myself. And people don’t generally respond to this. I would need to be taken by surprise. So that makes sense with the big black void that is my “relationship history”.

But maybe there is hope: 

“That being said, if both partners manage to survive the rocky start during the dating phase, it is very likely that the relationship will be very deep and strong – and the INTJ will do everything to ensure it stays that way, as long as the partner reciprocates.”

So, Hey men give me a try! It’ll be really difficult but maybe worth it? Or don’t. Yeah, don’t’ worry about it.

And now to Careers:

I have been SOOOOOOOO unsatisfied and uneasy in work. I work in IT Customer Service, and it’s a stable job and I don’t have anything to complain about, besides the fact that I HATE talking on the phone (what I do all day) and I HATE mindless work.

“Typical INTJ careers also tend to put a lot of importance on independent thinking. INTJs love difficult challenges and strongly detest routine, doing whatever they can to avoid or automate mind-numbing tasks. It is difficult to imagine an INTJ willingly choosing a strictly administrative or teamwork-focused role. They excel as “lone wolves” and best INTJ careers revolve around this trait, giving INTJs enough breathing space to use their creativeness and dedication without being constantly questioned by other team members.”

Oh man, what I wouldn't give for a job like that.

“INTJs tend to be very strong introverts with excellent analytical and creative skills. They are highly unlikely to choose or enjoy customer-facing or teamwork-oriented careers – these are definitely not the best choices for INTJs. As already mentioned, INTJs are brilliant strategists and planners, but they do best alone or in small teams.”

So no wonder I’m not fulfilled!

Sorry for the long, and self-indulgent post. It just feels good to realize that I’m not a BAD PERSON for wanting a change in my career, and that there is some pattern behind my flaws and strengths.

Now I just need to find a new career, and have a guy decided I’m worth all the work to date.

No big deal. Easy.

What personality type are you? Do you agree with it? Am I the only INTJ out there? Leave a comment!